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Grief does not move in a straight line.
Somedays you might be overwhelmed and filled with tears while other days you are still in disbelief about the loss. Maybe you lost someone and everyone around you expects you to have moved on by now. Maybe you're grieving something harder to name: a relationship, a community, a version of your life or yourself that no longer exists.
Maybe part of you wants to talk about it constantly, while another part avoids the subject entirely. Maybe you feel guilty for the things left unsaid, or numb when you think you should feel devastated.
Grief is unique to each person and there is no formula to how you should feel or process it. I provide grief therapy in Seattle, WA and online across Washington and California. Grief therapy can be a helpful place to slow down, feel the wide range of emotions flowing through you, and honor what you lost.
How does grief show up?
Grief is different for every person and each unique loss. These are some common themes and experiences that can show up when you're going through loss:
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Guilt over what was not said or done. Or sometimes guilt over what was said or done.
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Anger that feels out of place or hard to explain.
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Numbness, or a sense of being disconnected from your own feelings.
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Exhaustion from holding it together for everyone else.
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A feeling that your grief isn't "valid" because others don't see the loss the way you do.
Ambiguous & Disenfranchised Grief
Not all grief comes from a death, and not all grief is recognized by the people around you. This is sometimes called ambiguous or disenfranchised grief, and it can be just as heavy, if not heavier, because it often comes without rituals, support, or permission to mourn openly.
This might include the loss of a relationship through estrangement or divorce, the loss of a community or identity, a miscarriage, an estranged parent who is still alive, or grieving a version of your future that didn't happen the way you expected. IFS therapy makes room for all of these forms of loss, without requiring them to look a certain way to be taken seriously.
The Grief Therapy Process
Process
Understand
Losing something or someone can be an overwhelming and confusing experience. So much of our work will be creating a space where you can process, unpack, and express all that is surfacing for you with this loss. Your feeling are valid and deserve to take up space and be witnessed.
Honor
Your Loss Matters
Honoring what you lost, even if the loss was complex, is so important in grief work. Your loss matters and by honoring what you lost your body and emotions have a chance to lessen the burden and weight of what you are carrying alone.
Release
Follow Your Inner Wisdom
You do not have to "move on" or force yourself to go at any pace in this process. As each emotion and part of you is able to take up space and be understood you will naturally feel lighter and more able to engage in everyday things in life.
What if my grief feels complicated?
Complicated and complex grief can be overwhelming to to hold. My approach to grief work allows space for all parts of you and your complex feelings to belong and matter.
You will have space to unpack complicated feelings about your loss and be met with understanding and kindness. All forms and experiences of grief are welcome here.
How Grief Therapy in Washington & California Can Help
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Grieve in a space where you are listened to and held with care and compassion.
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Process the varied and complex emotions that surface with grief.
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Cultivate a relationship with your grief that honors your loss and your experience.
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Unpack what life looks like for you now after this loss.
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Go at your pace in processing the grief. There is no timeline here.
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Stop carrying the weight of your loss alone.
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Heal any trauma or deeper layers that come with your loss.
Grief & Multiracial Identity
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Grief and multiracial identity intersect more than people often expect. For mixed race individuals, loss isn't always about one clear thing, it can be layered with questions of belonging, culture, and which parts of your identity get to be grieved openly.
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Grieving a parent or grandparent means grieving a piece of your cultural connection too. When you lose someone who was your main link to a language, tradition, or side of your family, you're not just losing a person.
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Ambiguous belonging complicates who "gets" to grieve, and how. In multiracial families, grief rituals and expectations can differ across sides of the family. You may feel like you have to choose how to mourn, or feel like an outsider in either tradition, at the exact moment you need support the most.
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Loss of connection to a culture or community. This can happen without anyone dying, distance from a parent's culture, disconnection from a community you were never fully part of, or the slow loss of language or tradition across generations.
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Grief can surface old identity questions. Loss has a way of bringing old wounds to the surface, including ones about not feeling "enough" of one identity or another. Grieving can become tangled with re-litigating where you belong, right when you most need groundedness.
Grief & Religious Trauma
Grief and religious trauma often show up together, even when the connection isn't obvious at first. Leaving or restructuring a relationship with a religious environment is its own kind of loss, and processing that loss can be complicated by the very system that caused the harm.
This grief can show up:
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You may be grieving a death without the beliefs that once made sense of it. If a religious framework once gave you answers about death, an afterlife, or "God's plan," losing someone after stepping away from that framework can mean grieving without the structure you used to lean on, sometimes for the first time.
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You may be grieving the religion itself, on top of everything else. Leaving a high-control or harmful religious environment often means losing community, certainty, and a former sense of self, all at once. If a death or major loss happens during or after that transition, both griefs can collide, doubling the weight.
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Guilt can tangle with grief. Some religious teachings frame grief itself as a lack of faith, or attach shame to feelings like anger at God, doubt, or despair. This can leave people grieving quietly, or feeling guilty for grieving at all.
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Family estrangement can create grief while someone is still alive. When leaving a religious community creates distance or estrangement from family, that loss often isn't acknowledged the way a death would be, even though it can feel similarly disorienting.
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Old fears can resurface during loss. Grief has a way of stirring up old material. Fear of judgment, fear of "getting it wrong," or fear instilled by religious teachings about death and the afterlife can resurface, even for people who no longer hold those beliefs.
Grief & IFS Therapy
Grief doesn't move in a straight line, and it rarely shows up as one single feeling. IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy is especially suited to grief work because it doesn't ask you to feel one way about a loss. It makes room for all the different, sometimes conflicting ways grief actually shows up in you. IFS also helps you process in a way that brings deep healing to your experience and goes beyond just talk therapy.
Here's how this helps:
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You have space to feel a variety of feelings at the same time.
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Your grief and response to your loss will be met with curiosity and understanding, not judgement.
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There is no pressure or timeline on your grieving process.
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You get to clarify and listen to your inner experience with no expectation on how your experience will look.
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Heal any underlying pain or past experiences that arise as you process your loss.
FAQs About Grief Therapy in WA & CA
Is grief therapy only for the death of a loved one?
No. Grief therapy can help with any significant loss, including loss of a job, a place you lived, a past identity. And any grief that others may not fully recognize or validate. Your grief and loss will be honored and valued here.
How long does grief therapy take?
There's no fixed timeline. Grief doesn't move in a straight line, and therapy is paced around your own process rather than a set number of sessions.
Do you provide grief therapy in Washington?
Yes, I provide online grief therapy to clients in Beacon Hill, U-District, Ballard, Seattle, and online all across Washington state.
Do you provide grief therapy in California?
Yes, I provide online grief therapy to clients in Oakland, Lake Merritt, Fruitvale, Dimond District, and online all across California state.