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Some days the tears come without warning. Other days you are still in disbelief.
Maybe you lost a loved one and the people around you seem to have moved on while you still feel the pain. Or maybe your grief doesn't have an easy name. The end of a relationship, a community you have lost touch with, or a version of yourself you can't get back to.
You might feel pulled to talk about it endlessly one moment, then unable to bring yourself to mention it the next. Guilt over things you wish you would have said. A strange flatness in moments you expected to feel wrecked.
There's no right way to grieve, and no timeline you are supposed to follow. I'm a grief therapist in Oakland, California serving Dimond District, Lake Merritt, and Fruitvale and offering online therapy across California and Washington. I offer a space to slow down, make room for whatever you're actually feeling, and help you find your own way of honoring what or who you have lost.
What are common symptoms of grief?
​Grief is unique to each person and situation. These are some common feelings that can show up when you are experiencing grief:
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Repeating what you last said or did in your mind on replay and feeling regret. Or maybe you regret what was not said or done.
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Feelings of anger that seem to come out of nowhere.
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Feeling flat and disconnected from any emotion at all like you have gone blank.
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Feeling exhausted from processing and feeling the loss.
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A sense of loneliness as others around you don't seem to understand your loss.
Ambiguous & Disenfranchised Grief​
Sometimes you experience a loss that is not a death that creates the feeling of grief others around you might not understand. This is sometimes called ambiguous or disenfranchised grief and can feel lonely as there is not a shared ritual like a funeral to honor or process the loss.
This type of loss could be through a divorce or family estrangement, losing a community or identity, unexpected miscarriage, or a health diagnosis. My approach to therapy utilizes something called IFS therapy which approaches emotions and experiences in a way that honors all parts of you.
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You might have a part of you that feels angry about the loss and another part of you that is relieved. When we explore your loss you get to bring each and every emotion you have to our work and it will be honored and listened to.
The Grief Therapy Process
Process
Share and Unpack
Loss can bring up a lot of varied emotions. Therapy will be a space you can freely share and process the heaviness and overwhelm. Each part of your experience with loss matters.
Honor
Your Experience is Valid
There is no one size fits all approach to grief. We will honor and respect how you need to process and share about your loss. It is important that you can be honest and met with compassion.
Release
Listen to Yourself
We will follow the pace that works for you and respect how you want to process your loss. The experience of having a kind witness can often bring a sense of feeling lighter and less burdened by your loss.
What if my grief feels complicated?
Complex grief can feel overwhelming and heavy to navigate on your own. My approach to grief creates space for each and every emotion of yours to belong and matter in our work together.
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You can share any and all feelings that surface and know you will not be judged or criticized but heard and understood. No matter what complexity your grief holds, your experience will be honored.
How a Grief Therapist Can Help
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Process your grief in the presence of someone who cares and understands.
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Feel lighter and less burdened by your loss as you no longer have to carry the weight of it alone.
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Learn to honor all parts of your experience with grief.
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Unpack what life looks like for you now after this loss.
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Process the complex feelings that come up as you grieve.
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Receive support on your own timeline in a space that allows you to go at the pace you need to process your loss.
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Heal deeper wounds and pain that this loss might have brought up for you.
Grief & Multiracial Identity
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For mixed race individuals, grief and identity are often deeply intertwined in ways that aren't always obvious from the outside. Questions about where you belong, how your cultures fit together, and whether you are allowed to grieve certain things openly.
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Losing a relative can mean losing a cultural bridge. When a parent or grandparent was your main connection to a language, a tradition, or one side of your heritage, their death takes more than just them.
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It is not always clear who gets to grieve, or how. Different sides of a multiracial family may have different grieving traditions and rhythms. You might feel pressure to pick one way of grieving over another, or feel like you don't fully belong in either tradition.
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You can lose a culture or community without anyone dying. Growing distance from a parent's cultural background, never feeling fully part of a community to begin with, or watching language and tradition fade across generations.
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Grief can reopen old identity wounds. Loss tends to surface unresolved questions. This could include never like feeling "enough" of any single identity. Mourning someone can get mixed up with re-examining your own sense of belonging, at the exact moment you need steady ground beneath you.
Grief & Religious Trauma​
If you have experienced religious trauma you might be experiencing grief around the loss of that belief system, community, and possibly family that still belongs to that religion.​
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This grief can look like:
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You may be grieving a death without the framework that once explained it. If religion once gave you a way to understand death, the afterlife, or a larger plan behind it, losing someone after leaving that belief system can mean facing grief without the support you used to rely on .
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You may be grieving the religion itself, alongside everything else. Leaving a high-control or harmful religious environment often means losing your community, your sense of certainty, and even the person you used to be, all at once. If an actual death occurs during or shortly after that departure, the two griefs can compound each other rather than stay separate.
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Estrangement can create grief even when no one has died. Distance or estrangement from family after leaving a religious community is a real loss, but it often doesn't get the same recognition or support that death-related grief does.
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Grief can bring old fears back to the surface. Loss has a way of reactivating old experiences like fear of judgment, fear of doing it "wrong," or fear rooted in religious teachings about death and what comes after. This can happen even for people who no longer believe any of it.
Grief & IFS Therapy​
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Grief often comes with a wide range of emotions and feelings. IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy is particularly helpful for grief work, because it creates space for multiple feelings and experiences to exist within you at once. This approach allows each different part of your experience to belong and creates space for you to experience healing instead of just coping.
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Here's how IFS therapy can help:
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You can have complex feelings about your loss without having to try and get rid of any of the feelings.
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Your loss will be listened to with compassion and curiosity, never judgement.
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You have space to grieve on your own timeline with no pressure to "move on".
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You get to explore what your feelings are around the loss without any expectation of what it looks like for you.
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You can experience true, deep inner healing around your loss.
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FAQs About Grief Therapy in CA & WA
Can I work with a grief therapist around a loss that isn't a person?
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Yes, as a grief therapist I am here to support you through any type of loss. ​
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How long does grief therapy take?
There is no clear timeline as each person and loss is unique. We will follow your pace and inner wisdom to guide us.​
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Are you a grief therapist in Washington?
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Yes, I am a grief therapist in Washington supporting clients in Beacon Hill, U-District, Seattle, and online all across Washington state.
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Are you a grief therapist in California?
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Yes, I am a grief therapist in Oakland, Lake Merritt, Fruitvale, Dimond District, and online all across California state.
Grief Therapist in Oakland, California & Washington